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| Grandpa, Julie, Deanna, Mom & Ruth |
Memories of Dad
(Donnie Bossuyt)
By Ruth, Karen, Deanna, Julie and Cynthia
During the last 14 years since Dad first had cancer, we daughters have had numerous opportunities to bond and reminisce about memories we had growing up and as adults while in the waiting room during the many surgeries and when together at the nursing home. We would like to share some of those memories about Dad with you.
There was a paddle on top of the fridge. It was one of those paddles that had a ball attached to it with a rubber band at one time, but was kept for another purpose after the rubber band broke. Everyone knew it was there and it was sometimes presented as a reminder; however, we don’t remember it ever being used, not even when Julie broke the banister or the windshield on the car.
When we older girls started questioning Santa Claus, he had a neighbor show up at the house late Christmas Eve with our presents. When we doubted the Easter Bunny, by chance it snowed Easter morning and there were rabbit tracks in the snow in front of the picture window and up 2 or 3 steps by the front door. Dad pointed them out to us and smiled as we looked at each other with questioning looks.
When Ruth was in kindergarten in Marshall, she was in Bluebirds her first year as a Campfire Girl. She and Dad went to father/daughter square dancing at East Side Elementary. It was a pretty special event for a 5 year old.
We older girls remember walking across Marshall to Legion Field to the pool from our home on Central Avenue. We had a family pass #210. When it was time to go home, we would walk over to the little Dairy Queen for Dilly Bars and wait for Dad to pick us up after work at Westmillers.
Later after we lived on the farm, Mom would sometimes drop us off at the pool and we would ride home with Dad after work in the 1964 Mustang. It seemed like we were flying. We probably were because the speed limit was higher then and while we don’t know if he ever had any speeding tickets, he should have and we know he has had at least one warning while driving to Montevideo for Grandparent Day.
Dad made a float out of a small tire tube and smooth rope. Ruth and Karen were to watch Deanna in the lake but forgot about her and she floated out too deep for them to get to her. Dad had to walk out to get her. He couldn’t swim, only doggie paddle, and was afraid of water. He was able to get to her but was up to his neck in the water.
Mom and Dad were both afraid of water and couldn’t swim. They wanted all us girls to learn to swim well, so we could enjoy pools and lakes. Well, we three oldest girls passed all the swimming levels offered but Mom and Dad still wanted us to continue taking lessons, so we took the highest level over and over, until we begged to stop taking lessons because it was so embarrassing to be the oldest kids on the bus going to lessons each summer. Mom said we had to convince Dad. We did.
One time a neighbor said, “Donnie, do you know what your girls are doing when you are at work?!” “No. What?” “They are riding that go-cart down the hill doing cookies in the yard.” Dad told him, “Well, I taught them how to do that!”
There were those Sunday afternoons on the way to visit the cousins, with polka music on the radio. We loved visiting the cousins, but would like to forget the music.
On other Sundays when we didn’t go visiting, sometimes we would all get in the car for a drive. As part of this he would drive through the Implement Sales Lots or check the fields.
Dad liked to scare Mom. He could make her scream by driving what she thought was too close to the edge of a washed out road or rocking the car when at the top of the Valley Fair Ferris Wheel.
In the earlier years, Dad didn’t tell us how he felt but sometimes we would find out from Mom. Some things she said were:
• “It was hard for him when Ruth moved away after high school. He missed her.”
• “Dad is very proud of you.”
• “Dad wants you to cut back on the ‘war paint.’” Remember the bright blues and turquoise eye shadow in the early 70’s?
We all remember when he would stand at the bottom of the stairway in the morning and call up to us, “It’s time to get up. We’re going to:
• pick rock.” Or
• walk the beans.” Or
• split wood.”
There was no warning the night before. We were expected to get down stairs, eat breakfast quickly, and be ready to go.
Sometimes, Dad would say over supper, “The lawn needs mowing.” The next morning Karen would be up early and go out and do it because she didn’t like house work. Later, Delores said she wanted to mow to get away from the girls and have some time to herself, but the older girls would fight over the mowing.
One bathroom - 5 daughters - one rule: Dad got the bathroom when he wanted it.
When Julie was little he would let her have a sip of his beer and she liked it. When she was 16, she didn’t like beer. Was that the plan?
Dad always said he wanted us to have more opportunities than he and Mom had so one thing they wanted us in was music. Ruth did choir, Karen - clarinet, Deanna - flute and piccolo, Julie - saxophone and Cynthia – flute. We were not allowed to quit.
When we wanted pierced ears, Mom and Dad bought one pair of 14K gold self piercers. Mom would make an ink dot where it should be and Dad used two pliers to open the piercers and place on our ears. Then they both would look to see if in the right spot and if the back was lined up straight with the front. Then he would adjust them as needed. There was no crying or whining even though they hurt like crazy. It was our choice to do it. By the time the 3rd sister got to pierce her ears, the self piercers were a little weak and she would have to keep pushing on it to get it through.
At suppertime when we had a party line, we would call our number, hang up and watch for him through the window to pick up in the shop and we would pick up again and tell him supper was ready.
Dad was a hard worker. After supper he would go back out to the shop to do more work. We would keep track of the TV schedule for the 3 channels we could get. At 8:00 on certain nights we would yell out to the shop when his favorite shows were on: Hogan’s Heroes, Red Skelton, and Mash.
Dad didn’t swear, but we knew he was mad when he said, “Jiminy Christmas!”
Roller skating at Balaton: Dad had his own skates which were in a metal box with a handle. The skates had wooden wheels and pompoms. He could skate backwards which was nice because he could hold both of our hands when we were learning to skate forwards. He could also dance while skating forwards.
We had lots of fun with the cousins while sledding at Swedzinski’s on a hill along side of their driveway or out in the pasture. The only sleds we had were a metal saucer with the handles broken off, a toboggan and a sled with runners. Since there were more kids than sleds, Dad helped solve the problem by coming up with big pieces of cardboard, scoop shovels, and metal garbage can lids with the handles broken off. None of us had snow pants. We wore tights and at least two pairs of pants, with layered tops and mittens. Amazingly no one got hurt even though these days we would never dream of letting our kids use shovels or garbage can lids for sledding.
When Cynthia was very small Dad put on a black snowmobile mask and snuck up behind her until she noticed him and screamed and ran away. He pulled of the mask laughing.
Dad amazed us with how easy it was for him to ride the Penny Farthing bicycle he had restored. He road it in many parades.
Dad’s ideas didn’t always please us, but he had our best interest at heart such as:
• Having us practice putting the spare tire on our car. Some of us had to rotate ALL the tires. At least it was in the shade behind the house! That’s right …then we had to wash the car!
• Putting the umbrella on each bean bar seat when Julie really wanted a tan instead.
You may find this hard to believe but we weren’t perfect daughters. Sometimes, Mom would call up the stairs to have us do our chores. Then if we didn’t come she would call again. If we didn’t come, we would then hear Dad say, “Girls” in a very deep voice. Then we came quickly.
Sometimes Dad would wake us up in the middle of the night to show us something such as when the cat had kittens in the basement and the northern lights.
Mom and Dad loved old time dances and he tried teaching us to polka; however, we never quite got it. He would hold us tight and keep going even though we stepped on his feet. We loved to watch Mom and Dad dance; but the Chicken Dance was too silly for Dad. When we were old enough to be home alone, every Saturday night he and Mom would go dancing with their friends and stay until the end of the dance and then go out to eat. They didn’t get home until late. Even after he had cancer in his leg he hoped to dance again.
Julie recalls as a senior in high school sometimes on Sunday evenings when she was at the sink doing dishes he would tell her the jokes he heard when he and Mom were out the night before. Not all of them were G rated.
When Julie had just graduated from high school, one day they were picking rock. It was a very windy warm day. She had a date and it was getting late, but didn’t say anything, because Dad knew she had a date. She figured he wanted to finish the field so didn’t dare complain. When they got to the house half an hour late, her date was sitting in the kitchen visiting with Mom. She said to him, “I’ll be ready in 15 minutes”, grabbed clean clothes, and ran in the bathroom to take a shower. A look in the mirror revealed dirt in and around her eyes, nose, and ears. It was so embarrassing. The next day, Dad asked if she thought they would go out again and she said, “Yes.” Dad said, “Well, he has seen you at your worst.”
He would never criticize or tell us we were making bad decisions even if we were, but would give advice if asked for it. This included when the family got larger by adding sons-in-law. There was one exception. He did tell Randy to just let Julie and Delores have their way in planning the wedding. Some advice came by way of a story about someone else and what happened to them (I’m sure he hoped we would get it!)
When Dad had doctor appointments or surgeries, nurses and doctors always commented on all of us girls. He told them he was lucky to have girls to help him and that he got “better work out of his girls than his neighbors got out of their boys.”
Dad set a wonderful example to us all by caring for his mother, Irma, along with Mom and his sisters. The last few years he said many times to various people, “I don’t know what I would do without my girls.”
Dad didn’t believe in working us girls like boys; however, he did know that some of us could do things that some girls wouldn’t such as when he said, “Julie, take an old grocery bag to put over your hand and go pick up that dead skunk by the back driveway and throw it in the wood burner.” She did it.
On a day when all our families were home and the 3 wheeler, go-cart, and scooter were putting on miles all over the yard and grove, Ken ran the 3 wheeler into a tree and bent the fork. Randy and Greg were looking at it and thinking about how to straighten it when Dad just got chains and a bar came over and told them what to do. Of course it worked.
On the way home from one of Dad’s appointments in the cities, Karen showed him a picture from a catalog of a Christmas Tree cardholder. She has always wanted something Dad had welded and asked him if he could make something like it. He looked at it a minute or so and nodded. She forgot to make sure he took the picture home with him. So she was surprised when a month or two later he had made “five”! He made one and showed it to Mom to see what she thought and she said he’d better make four more. He made several more over time including smaller ones for the granddaughters. Then he got creative and made lamps, trucks and possibly his favorite, the little tractors and trailers (made from ice cube trays).
Dad loved his pets. Over the years he had several cats, dogs, and two birds. Even after he no longer had a dog of his own, he enjoyed Deanna’s dog, Peanut. One time she gave him a picture that included Peanut, Greg and Roger. Dad wanted a picture of just Peanut so he could put it in his wallet. Deanna cropped Roger and Greg out of the picture. We laughed so hard when Roger found out and tried to act indignant that Dad wanted his sons-in-law cut out of the picture. We all thought it was funny that he wanted a picture of Peanut to show people when he didn’t carry pictures of his children and grandchildren. The incident provided inspiration for some fun Christmas gifts that year. We don’t think Dad really understood why it was so funny.
Dad was very creative with recycled metal and made many useful items and gifts. These included:
• The ornate tailgate for his 1982 GMC pickup
• A decorative mailbox post
• An item that we just call “the wheel” where you could hang-on inside of it and people could roll you over
• The snow blower attachment for the D17
• Hand railings in the basement of St. Michaels
• A unicycle that we never quit got the hang of
• The loft bed for Cynthia’s dorm room in college
• Christmas tree card holders
• Toys tractors and wagons
• Drink holders made from rods from the granary
• Lamps with silhouettes of bicycles, a truck, snowmobile, or doll buggy
• The combined swing set and clothes line at the house in Marshall (It is still there.)
• The garbage burner
• The seat and footrest attachment that he used on the back of his walk behind snow blower
He made a bean bar for spraying weeds in the bean field so we wouldn’t have to walk the beans to pull or hoe weeds anymore. The Marshall Independent displayed a large picture and an article on it because Dad rigged up a clutch and steering wheel at the front because there were only four of us to do the spraying and then no one had to sit in the driver’s seat of the tractor.
Dad didn’t really think he was very smart because he only went through the 10th grade, but he could figure out how to accomplish things or how to make something work that no one else could or had thought of before.
We think he was “green” before “green” became fashionable. When the handle on Mom’s soup ladle broke, he fixed it by combining it with the end of a broken screwdriver. No sense buying new if you could fix with what you have. Old well pipe always found another use. Some of it found its way to Norway Lake along with old discs for a second life as dock supports. His parts washer was made out of an old wringer washing machine.
During the last several years when we came home to visit Dad at the farm, we always had to check the mouse traps in the basement. One time Deanna found the trap upside down and went to pick it up but dropped it. It was full of maggots. She swept it into the garbage pan and threw the whole trap away. She told Dad she would have to buy him more traps. He admitted he probably would have thrown the whole trap too.
Dad loved his grandchildren and kept a playhouse complete with mud pies, a play kitchen set in the house, bicycles, go-cart, and a three wheeler for them to play with. They could get dirty and he would just tell them (in this case Heather and Ryan) to wash the mud off at the pump before they went in the house. He would come up with things they couldn’t do at home such as having Ken and John roast mini marshmallows over a candle. Cynthia’s kids got to ride Dad’s Rascal scooter around the yard and through the grove.
Dad restored and displayed old tractors. His son-in-law, Randy had experience doing bodywork and painting cars so he spent many hours with Dad working on some of them too. There was a lot of orange and green overspray in the shop. Even the white cat ended up looking orange. Dad didn’t like putting the decals on afterwards because it was hard to get them just right. On the last one, Randy and Julie were helping and he put one small one on and said, “There. Crooked as hell.” Julie looked closer and said, “And it is upside down too.” We laughed and Randy fixed it and put the others on for him.
The only time Dad ever had facial hair was for the beard contest during the Milroy Centennial. When he was up front during the contest, we realized how he really had the respect of the community. It wasn’t about the contest (his beard). It was about him.
We have albums of pictures and the things he made but what he taught us (when we didn’t know we were learning something) about life, work, family and love is priceless. A part of him will live on in all of us.
And now we can smile when we think of our dad because we just know he’s with Mom, dancing in Heaven.
